Beauty. Self-worth. Self-confidence.
Beauty.
Self-worth.
Self-confidence.
Words that are subjective to each and every individual. Words not universally understood. Words that may be frightening, intimidating as many may compare what degree of these qualities they have within themselves. Words that may make one self-conscious, nervous or even upset as they feel that they have no essence of them thereof. And perhaps you feel as though you are not one who possesses such qualities. Or one who has even the slight ounce of confidence to proclaim that you have them. But why? Who defines your self-worth? Who decides whether you are beautiful or not? Or instead, who do you let define your beauty/self-worth?
Let me now remind you that Allah takes four different oaths in Surah Tin before affirming that YOU have been created in the best of forms. He says: ‘We have certainly created man in the best of stature.’ [95:1 – 95:4], declaring that you indeed are the epitome of beauty and that you have been moulded respectively taking into consideration great wisdom behind your creation, of which we have no capacity to fathom. So how can anyone make you think or feel otherwise. And how dare anyone make you believe you are not beautiful.
To allow this to In sha Allah sink it a bit deeper, we need to regard the One who created beauty. One of Allah’s divine names is المصور - Al-Mussawir - The Fashioner/The Bestower of forms. He is the One who Created all that is in existence, Who made everything correct and in its place in accordance to the dictates of His wisdom, and He is the One who has given everything its own unique form and distinct shape. Surah Infitar also states: ‘who created you, proportioned you, and balanced you’ – meaning Allah ‘made you complete, straight, and perfectly balanced and proportioned in stature. He fashioned you in the best of forms and shapes (Tafseer ibn kathir). How can we possibly question and doubt our own individual beauty, knowing that Allah, the Most beautiful, has designed us in due proportion.
Finally, ask yourself…
Is not Allah the most judge of Judges?
Is not Allah Al-Hakeem? – The Wise, All-Embracing, The knowledgeable.
Allah says in the Quran in Suratul Mulk (dominion) [67:3]
‘[And] who created seven heavens in layers. You do not see in the creation of the Most Merciful any inconsistency. So return [your] vision [to the sky]; do you see any breaks?’
The word ‘break’ has also been translated/interpreted by various Scholars to mean rifts or faults. Allah created the sky so perfectly and so profoundly, he challenges anyone to find any inconsistences in its greatness. Hence, you should do the same with yourselves. Allahumabarik each and every one of your fingerprints is different to the person next to you. Each and everyone has a different shade of colour in their eye (find the word). No two peoples … are the same. Your …. Is unique. Your … is unique. YOU are unique.
Now the very first step towards feeling self-worthy and self-confident, is acknowledging that you need a change NOT in yourself, but in your MINDSET. And most of you have already thought of that so well done, you’re already one step closer.
The second step is strange but practical and efficient… BEFRIEND YOURSELF AND BEFRIEND ALLAH. TALK TO YOURSELF AND TALK TO ALLAH. I’m not making this up. You are your own best friend. Only YOU and ALLAH knows what is going on, and how much you are struggling. Sit yourself down, on the bed, sofa, floor wherever and just tell yourself how you feel about yourself, then tell Allah, rant to Allah. Make dua to Allah. Ya Allah, help me to see the beauty in myself. Ya rab, help me to feel more confident in myself. Ya Allah, prevent me from comparing myself to others. Ya Allah thank you for allll the beauty you’ve bestowed upon me. Then once you’ve ranted and poured your heart out, and spilled your feelings and… then…
Begin saying: I am beautiful. Actually, I am beautiful. Actually, I have been created just as I was meant to be created. Yes, I am beautiful. Yes my eyes are …. . Yes my hair is…. . Yes Alhamdullilah
There’s a dua for looking in the Mirror recorded by Imam An-Nawawi in his book ‘Al-Athkar’:
الحمد لله ، اللهما كما حسنت خلقي فحسن خلقي
Alhamdullilah, Allahuma kama hassanta khalqi fahassin khuluqi.
Praise be to Allah, As you have beautified me (on the outside), beautify my character.
Look at how beautiful this Dua is, in and of itself. You start by Thanking Allah and being grateful. Then you say ‘as you have beautified me’ which ALREADY ASSUMES that you are beautiful, and you AKNOWLEDGE yourself that you are beautiful BEFORE asking Allah to better your character. The Dua itself is Asking Allah for better character – implying that actually, our character is more important than our looks. Subhanallah. But that is another post for another day. It’s a short dua so try to learn it in sha Allah.
The last thing I want to mention is something so profound that a friend said in her podcast at an event she had the other day (her @ is … go check her out she’s A1). Where was I? Yh, a PROFOUND thing that really stuck to me was that she said
‘words are POWERFULL’ (I mean duuh right but just follow me here)
‘WHEN WORDS EXIT YOUR MOUTH, YOU NO LONGER OWN THEM ANYMORE’
Deep it.
We need to be careful about how we talk about ourselves in front of others. Once we’ve mentioned our insecurity, and mentioned our faults openly, all we’ve done is lost control of our thoughts and lost control. Lost control? What do you mean lost control? I mean, you no longer own your words anymore and now you no longer have power over them. We’ve now given another person the opportunity to make a discussion about something you don’t want to manifest, something you don’t want to talk about.
DISCLAIMER: DON’T GET ME WRONG, I’m not saying its bad to talk about insecurities – we definitely need to talk about things and take off weights from our shoulders
HOWEVER
As long as you are openly dishing out negativity about yourself, and giving people the chance to be negative about you too. The reality is that in the moment, what we really seek is validation. For someone to say ‘no it’s okay, I didn’t even notice it’ or ‘don’t be silly it’s not that deep’ but not everyone is going to give you what you want. And some may even take is as a opportunity to grab to subliminally bring you down even further. And Lo and behold, when validation is not given, it becomes detrimental not only because have you not got the validation you wanted, but you’ve also given them open permission to talk about it and feed into it. If they comment, they win. If they say nothing, they win. Therefore, be MINDFULL of your words because they’re either working for you, or against you.